


looking at the stars, admiring from a far

by astraeal



Category: Book of the Ancestor Series - Mark Lawrence
Genre: (kind of), Character Study, F/F, am i projecting into nona? absolutely!, it’s about the Yearning, nona looking at ara but with Extra Gay Thoughts™, the golden Arabella Jotsis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraeal/pseuds/astraeal
Summary: The first time Nona saw Arabella Jotsis, she was scared to death Tacsis men had come to take her back. She only slightly relaxed when she saw Abbess Glass coming through them. In her relief, she nearly didn’t see the girl that followed her. Nearly.Arabella Jotsis, as seen through Nona’s senses.
Relationships: Nona Grey/Arabella Jotsis
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	looking at the stars, admiring from a far

**Author's Note:**

> i’m not sure where this idea came from but it allowed me to talk at lenght about ara so i'm glad. this follows through the books.  
> title from we fell in love in october by girl in red.  
> hope you’ll like it!

**sight**

The first time Nona saw Arabella Jotsis, she was scared to death Tacsis men had come to take her back. She only slightly relaxed when she saw Abbess Glass coming through them. In her relief, she nearly didn’t see the girl that followed her. Nearly.

Later, she would wonder _how_ Arabella wasn’t the first thing she saw at that moment with how bright she shined. From her golden hair to her pristine clothes — that shouldn’t even come somewhere near a convent — with sharp eyes that promised intelligence to anyone who dared underestimate her and a posture fit for a queen, Arabella Jotsis seemed almost too regal for eyes like Nona’s to glance upon her. But if she was here to stay, that made them equals — well, as equals as they could ever be.

As Arabella drew near their table, her back straight and her head high with confidence, walking as if she’s been here for years and knew everything and everyone, Nona tried to find some flaws about her — surely no one could be flawless? — but she only failed and could just look, look, and look at Arabella as she came closer and thought that she must be the most beautiful human being on all Abeth.

From this day, Nona’s eyes would always find Arabella if she was within reach. It was impossible for her not to. Like a moth to a flame. Everything about her was so exquisite she could hardly believe it. She would never admit it to anyone — not even to herself — but Nona sometimes internally sighed when she looked at Arabella. It simply seemed every time there was something new about the girl that would catch her eyes and it never failed to add to the perfection that was Arabella Jotsis.

* * *

**hearing**

Before she even reached their table, Arabella was called out by the tall girl in front of Nona. She seemed like the only one who didn’t worship the ground the newcomer walked upon. 

Arabella answered as she sat in a chair someone else offered her — like royalty, as the girl said, gracious even in her everyday actions — with a small smile on her face, her voice gentle and melodious. “Your father put himself in prison, Clera Ghomal. He made a poor merchant. And a worse thief.”

This was a completely unfamiliar accent Nona was hearing — probably one from the court — but to Nona’s ears, it sounded precious. Clear and pleasing, it was one made for songs. 

It was no surprise Nona had never heard this accent before. Giljohn had taken them all around the Empire but the only time they came to Verity was when they were sold. Nobles didn’t need to sell their children for money, and Giljohn took extra care not to run into them.

The words Clera and Arabella exchanged weren’t pleasant by any means, but Nona still enjoyed listening to them. For one, she was learning more about the world around her, the _people_ she would have to spend her days with. And she liked hearing the new accents in their voices, telling stories about them and where they’d come from.

But mostly, she liked hearing Arabella’s voice. There was something peaceful about it — despite what was being said — and Nona thought for a moment she could doze to sleep to Arabella telling stories with her sweet voice.

Of course, hearing herself be called a ‘skinny hunska peasant’ even in the most soothing and lovely voice made all these thoughts go away and Nona let herself be led away by Clera.

* * *

**smell**

After returning from the bathhouse, Nona had been lying down on her new bed for a little while, trying to relax the last of the ache in her muscles, when the door of the dormitory opened again and a new scent entered her nose. It had something like a clean aroma — not unlike the fresh smell of the novices coming out of the bathhouse after a well-deserved soak, not unlike _her_ own scent now — but there was something more to it. 

Nona took a deep breath through her nose, trying to identify the new smell. It was definitely not unfamiliar, something she had smelled before, but where?

It came to her then, the earthly floral fragrance coming closer, with a barely-there soothing feeling, all along with the memories.

Lavender.

The women in her village used it when washing the clothes down in the river. She also saw some on the road in Giljohn’s cage, but it’d been a long time since she smelled the plant, or something that pleasant for that matter. 

Nona opened her eyes to find the owner of the scent and immediately saw Arabella. Of course. As Clera said, she was practically royalty, certainly she’d have better soap sent along with her to the convent, or even some perfume.

When Arabella caught her looking she glared so fiercely that Nona had to avert her eyes. But the pleasant smell was still around the room and after a moment she had to look back. The lavender fragrance fit the golden girl well. The delicate yet natural essence gave her an aura of serenity even as she mourned the loss of her hair. 

That was a thing Nona didn’t understand. With or without her hair Arabella Jotsis was still so pretty everyone could see it. And even if it was purely about her pride, Arabella clearly had many assets to her advantage. She had a clear voice that made everybody look at her should she open her mouth, she held herself straight with a posture Nona wouldn’t achieve with years of practice, she could afford special perfume even in a strict convent, she was _nobility_ , and she had the looks of someone who descended from the stars.

It was with these thoughts Nona fell asleep. When she abruptly woke up some time later, she could still smell the faint scent of lavender near her bed.

* * *

**touch**

After the Shield ordeal, all that came with, and three days stuck in the sanatorium, Nona was glad to be out in the fresh air. Even if in this instance it was more gasping cold that left her teeth clattering than anything else. 

Still. She was out and walking with Ara. In all the daydreams she had about when she’d be let out of bed, _this_ was definitely not what she had imagined. But it felt nice. There was a strange calmness around the two of them, like a new beginning. 

When they reached the Path Tower, Ara was closer to her, still talking in that sophisticated accent but with a soft voice, looking at Nona with her bright eyes and a gentle expression — one she had never seen before — as if Nona was worth her time, as if Ara was concerned about her injuries. It was unlike the Arabella Jotsis she had come to know these last few weeks, but at the same time, it was _just_ like her. It was why everyone admired her, she was an amiable soul. Nona’s judgment may have been clouded by Clera’s resentment and her own presumptions. 

With Ara at her side, she wanted to try to find which door the Path would take her to and so she followed the other girl’s instructions and closed her eyes. But she saw what she always saw when she had her eyes closed. Nothing new.

The thing with shutting your eyes, with losing one of your senses, was that all the others would deepen. She could hear Ara speaking to her — with barely any space between the two of them, so close that they could touch — and the faint smell of lavender on her — still there even after a few weeks at the convent, as if it was simply a part of her, always smelling good, Nona wouldn’t be surprised at this point — and she could feel Ara’s breath on her ear, so close, still talking and then a hand on her shoulder and then—

It felt like an explosion in her head, brightness and darkness.

When Nona opened her eyes again, she was on the ground, not remembering falling, with Ara slightly above her — she couldn’t see her quite yet, her eyes still adjusting, but she still recognised her, her body apparently already accustomed to everything about Arabella Jotsis. 

Nona hissed as Ara pulled her up by her bad arm, pain coming in through fast and familiar, but she bit back the reprimand and the urge to fight when she saw the worried look on Ara’s face. When she fainted — she fainted! when Ara touched her! what! — she must have thought it was because of her wound.

When they finally entered Path Tower Ara was still hovering close to her but careful not to brush her and Nona wished—she wished they could touch again.

* * *

**taste**

Nona had been worried since she heard Sister Kettle said Ara was the ‘recruit’. What would that mean for her friend? Going back to Verity, to the nobles, the lords, the whatever else, could be more dangerous than crossing blades with the Noi-Guin. The court was more poisonous than any toxin Mistress Shade could ever brew. 

The more Ara told her about the mission, the more anxious she became. There was no match for Ara in combat. She could fight against hundreds of men and be the last one standing, uninjured. But the Sis were great actors, smiling at you while plotting your downfall in their mind. This was a completely other kind of battle.

But apparently, Ara had apprehensions for something absolutely different. 

“Kissing.”

That… was not what Nona was expecting. But the thought of Ara kissing some nameless person bothered her. Kissing and dancing with them. Wasn’t that something you’d do with the one you liked? She didn’t want Ara kissing anybody for this mission. She didn’t want Ara kissing anybody else at all. 

And the fact Ara thought she would be bad at it? Ridiculous. Arabella Jotsis was talented at _everything_ she did. If she didn’t accomplish at the first try, she would simply keep going until she perfected it. That was just _how_ she was. And if anybody dared to mock her for her lack of kissing skills — not that there would be a lack of skills on Ara’s part. She would be excellent at it, Nona was sure — if anybody dared to laugh at Ara… Nona was beyond furious at just the thought. They didn’t deserve her.

( _You_ don’t deserve her, said a small voice in the back of her mind. She did her best to ignore it, as always.)

But then… Practice? With her?

She found herself pulled toward Ara, closer than they’ve ever been before, their noses touching, her hands caught between the other’s, and before she knew it their lips came in contact too. 

For a brief moment, it reminded Nona the first time they touched, how there was an explosion behind her eyes, and then all rational thoughts left her mind.

She knew Ara’s lips looked soft — everything about her was, hiding a hardness only opponents would find, or if you were looking close enough, which, Nona was. Nona was always looking — but now she also knew of the slight pressure against her own lips, keeping them together as one, of the sweet taste they had, a little something Nona didn’t know, as if it was the flavour of Ara, and Ara only, and how their mouths moved slowly together, in a dance Nona hadn’t learn before but knew deep in her heart. All that made Nona weak in her body, but with Ara holding her tight in her arms she feared nothing.

She barely felt the focus of the moon as she was already so warm from within, but it was still there, somewhere out of her mind. It somehow made the kiss feel even hotter, even better and as she sensed Ara’s tongue against her lips, opening slightly her mouth, she had the hazy thought that if _this_ was kissing, it shouldn’t be something mere humans should experience. There was truly something special about it and Nona wanted to keep doing it forever with Ara. 

* * *

**thread-bound**

Nona and Ara had a bound — a thread-bound if you would — but theirs was special. Maybe it was because of how unconventionally it was formed. Or maybe it was merely because they were them. Nona and Ara. Ara and Nona. Everything they meant to the other; how important they were, how precious, how _loved_ ; they knew. 

They could share pain, any injuries, worry and anxiety, but they could also share joy, love, comfort, happiness and pleasure. It was more intense than any other bound that had ever been. They didn’t mind that. With time, they came to know the other as much as they knew themselves — maybe even more.

They were each other greatest weakness and greatest strength. To come against one was to come against the both of them. Together, they were stronger. Together they were _unstoppable_.

Still, that didn’t stop all of Nona’s insecurities. They both had fought through hell and come back for the other, but Ara was Ara. The Arabella Jotsis, once Lord Jotsis, now Sister Thorn, the best Red Sister of their generation — would come to be known as one of the greatest Martial Sisters of all time, if you listened to the gossip — golden and perfect in all ways, looked upon by all the novices and more, and Nona was… Nona. From the Grey, quick to anger, still plagued now and then by the devils that once inhabited her skin, and sometimes she felt so, so dull next to Ara.

But when Nona looked at Ara, she was always looking back with warmth in her eyes. She took time to come sit at the sinkhole at the end of the day to listen to Nona talk about how her novices were doing with contentment. She sometimes left bouquets of flowers on Nona’s pillow and pretended she knew nothing about it, but Nona knew anyways, and not only because of the small lavender plant she always found hidden in the middle of it. 

Ara was there with her, when they helped each other put on their training gear and practice together in the Blade Hall, an activity that could last for hours until they were both on the floor, breathless by all the exercise and more, but still moving together, play fighting till they couldn’t move anymore, laying together on top of each other, breathing together, smiling and laughing together. Being _happy_ together.

Nona found happiness like that. With Ara. With the novices she was training. With her sisters and the occasional visitors she spent her teenage years with. 

But where Nona found she was the happiest was when she and Ara lay on their bed together at night, holding onto the other, almost every part of their bodies in contact, whispering to each other and sharing soft kisses everywhere before falling asleep. 

Because Nona was Ara’s. And Ara was Nona’s.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading i hope you enjoyed it!  
> come talk with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cosiette) and [tumblr](https://cosiette.tumblr.com/)!


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